


The Sun Gets in Your Eyes

by paradisecity



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-03-06
Updated: 2005-03-06
Packaged: 2018-01-10 14:55:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1161020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradisecity/pseuds/paradisecity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are a lot of people in House's life but sometimes -- sometimes -- Wilson feels like he's the only one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sun Gets in Your Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the House Slash jealousy challenge, with many thanks to M. for the helpful beta. This is also written in second person, which is something I usually dislike and take care to avoid, so proceed with caution if it irks you as much as it irks me.

You know enough about life, death, and grace to understand that the darker side of one's thoughts and emotions steal time in a way that never hurts as much as it should. It's like getting a cut and brushing aside the sting without noticing the blood. By the time you recognize the carmine trail you've been leaving behind everywhere you go, it's too late. Cut by anger and sometimes even hatred masking jealousy, you've been bleeding humanity without even realizing it.

You know that; you see it every day in some of your patients who are losing their life faster than they're dying and you try not to do it yourself. Even though it's so easy and it feels so good, you don't want anyone slipping and staining themselves in your wake. God knows you've done enough damage unintentionally. Some days, though, you need to the sting to ease the pressure. Today is one of those days.  
  
The worst part of it, you think, looking out from your office at the city with its too-sharp lights, is that the reason is the same every time. You hate that most of all.

\--------

You hate Cuddy sometimes because House gives her leeway he'd never give you. She's up front with him in a way you'll never be able to: she calls bullshit to his face, isn't afraid to yell as loud or push as hard as he does, and she can decree an unequivocal no without House unequivocally walking out on her. Friendship is supposed to bring privileges, make for allowances. But House in friendship, like so many other things, never works the way you think he should. There are so many things Cuddy can say or do without recrimination that would never be permissible of you. The list of unforgivable do-nots with House increases exponentially the closer you get to him and knowing there are so many reasons for him to walk away is a little frightening.  
  
Most of all, though, you hate that you can't show how much you care for him and that you need her to do it for you.

\--------

You hate Foreman sometimes because House is so interested in him. House likes puzzles, always has; it's his job because it's his passion and way of life. You've always known that House thinks something isn't worth knowing if it isn't worth figuring out. It's how the two of you got to be friends, after all. You'll never forget the day he walked up to you, this man you'd heard so much about but hadn't ever talked to and said, "There are so many reasons for people not to like you and yet they still do." After that, friendship was easy.  
  
You thank the infarction for your continued relationship because you know you lost your mystery early on. You've never thought you were hard to understand, even if your wives would disagree. After the infarction, House's love for mystery faded a little in the wake of his new impediment and it was easier for him to stick to what he knew. But the way he talks about Foreman, the way he's driven to know what Foreman wants and how far he'll go to get it, reminds you that his love for mystery was never really gone. It was just waiting for a reason to reappear. It's not long until his passion comes back full fledged and you and your fully explored secrets are left by the wayside.  
  
Most of all, though, you hate that knowing you isn't enough for him.

\--------

You hate Cameron sometimes because House is content with her. He likes to push her buttons as much as the next person's, but he can also have a conversation with her devoid of any of the disabling insults and asides he inflicts upon everybody else. And while you weren't exactly shocked, you also weren't really expecting him to take her to the monster truck rally when you couldn't go. You thought he'd go alone, if at all, and hearing from all sources that they had a good time together gave you pause. And since Dr. Cruz left for Stanford and you've been short staffed and overly busy, you've seen them eating lunch together in the cafeteria more than once or twice. That's a sharper dig than the rally because it's a casual everyday event that speaks to a certain level of familiarity you didn't see coming. Resenting them makes you feel worst of all, because what kind of man begrudges a friend time spent with a beautiful woman, especially the sort of friend who stopped even paying for his sex several years ago?  
  
Most of all, though, you hate that Cameron can offer him something you can't.

\--------

You hate Chase sometimes because, next to you, he's the closest thing House has to a friend. He was House's first pick for the team, has known him the longest, and is self-possessed and unflappable in a way that will never come naturally to the other two. You're not naïve enough to think you're irreplaceable or easily replaceable, but Chase will be the one to take your place if it comes to that.  
  
If it has to be anyone, you're glad it's him. His style of medicine is a good contrast to House's and more than that, he's a damn good doctor. But it's all in the way Chase reacts to House. He only hears the medical parts of House's criticisms and ignores the personal jabs. He can follow House's leaps of logic when the others can't and more often he's getting there with House instead of behind him. He's even starting to hear and act on the things House doesn't say, a talent that took you far longer to develop. The most important of Chase's talents, however, is that he likes House but doesn't need him. There's a self-reliance in Chase the likes of which are rarely seen in anyone.  
  
You're pretty sure, especially given what you know about his father, that Chase will go on contract with Princeton when his fellowship is up. You should be glad, and you are, because House needs more people in his life. But it doesn't change the way you watch Chase, trying to figure out what he knows that you don't.  
  
Most of all, though, you hate that he can take House or leave him: he still has a choice.

\--------

Now, sitting across from House in an under-lit, under-filled bar on Friday night, you want to laugh at yourself for how maudlin you were earlier in the week. Fights with Julie always throw you off by a few dark degrees and give your life a rather unwarranted Dostoevskyish tint. You're happy for it, though: the day your fights with Julie stop affecting you is the day you call the divorce lawyer again and you're just not ready for that yet. You can't help but laugh at yourself a little as House motions for another round because you're so easy to diagnose, House would never waste time on you. You weren't kidding when you said you weren't hard to figure out.  
  
House arches an eyebrow and asks dryly, "Care to share with the rest of the class?"  
  
You just smile as the waitress sets down your glasses and say, "No. I'm fine."  
  
Because you are. House is taking his Vicodin with a scotch tonight and you know that means he'll let you take him home and stay because you're always careful with the people you care about. Tomorrow morning you'll make breakfast and spend the afternoon watching B movies together. When evening settles down around the city the view will catch your eye and the lights won't be anything near sharp; no, they'll be hazy, softened by good company and being where you belong. Best of all, though, you'll look around and won't see a single trace of red.


End file.
